Second Witness

I went to the temple tonight, and the answer I received is that the Atonement is all about hope and change. That gave me a lot of peace, and also excitement. =)

"All things become possible"

"To the sophistry of Satan, Jesus turned His back. To the duty designated by His Father, He turned His face, pledged His heart, and gave His life. And what a sinless, selfless, noble, and divine life it was. Jesus labored. Jesus loved. Jesus served. Jesus testified. What finer example could we strive to emulate? Let us begin now, this very night, to do so. Cast off forever will be the old self and with it defeat, despair, doubt, and disbelief. To a newness of life we come--a life of faith, hope, courage, and joy. No task looms too large; no responsibility weighs too heavily; no duty is a burden. All things become possible."

("Examples of Righteousness" by Thomas S Monson, 2008)

I don't often quote the parts of talks where they give background again on Jesus' life. For some reason. But this one captured my heart! I love that we can be transformed! I love that change and happiness and joy are all possible, and it's through Him.

It needs to be shared. THIS is the effect that Jesus Christ will have upon our lives, if we let Him in and believe.

Sidenote: I'm really enjoying going back and reading President Monson's conference talks, starting in 2008 when he was sustained as President of the Church. His talks are a lot more powerful than I remember, and I'm loving it. They are speaking to my heart.

Talita's Honest Questions

My sister is not gifted with tact.

I'm used to her asking various questions about my single status. Today it was "So have you chosen someone to marry yet?"

But today she added another, this one aimed at my dad. "Why did you buy such a small car?"

I wonder if she'll outgrow it, or if she'll be asking guys in high school "Why do you have acne all over your face?" 

I guess there's often a bright side to bluntness and honesty, so maybe she'll occasionally wake people from their apathy and help them rethink their life. After they forgive her.

Lucky for her, she currently says it so innocently and curiously that I can never really get mad at her. =)

Honest Opinions #11 and #12

Hugs are one of the best ways of expressing love and care and friendship of which I know. It has a good pure awesome feeling to it. Some of the best huggers I know are Stephen N, from high school, and Darrell, my friend from Utah State. And there have been many other wonderful hugs throughout the years. Most recently, the hug with Ryan after not seeing each other for two years. There's just something about that.

Rain can be fantastic. I'm being rained on right now and I love it. The getting wet, the smell, the melancholy ambience, all of it. It's lovely. =)

One of my favorite quotes about keeping a journal

I believe all our stories are worth sharing. =)

Journals

"Get a notebook, my young folks, a journal that will last through all time, and maybe the angels may quote from it for eternity.  Begin today and write in it your goings and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and you triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies."

 

"A journal is the literature of superiority.  Each individual can become superior in his own humble life.  What could you do better for your children and your children's children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over the adversity, your recovery from a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved?

 

Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity."

 

Source:  Spencer W. Kimball, "The Angels May Quote from it."  New Era, Oct 1975

Safe and Sound

I have two songs to wrap up my day with. "Safe and Sound" from the Hunger Games soundtrack, and "Count Your Blessings." The first one because one of my friends was telling me creepy stories about her time working in a hospital at night, and I was nervous to drive home alone. I prayed a lot. And tried to focus on happy things. And when I got home, "Safe and Sound" came into my head.

The second one is because I received comfort today as we sang "Count Your Blessings" in Institute. I've mentioned that there's some very uncertain situations in my life right now. And since it's about dating, I feel silly talking to people about it. I feel like people inwardly roll their eyes. Anyway, we sang "So amid the conflict whether great or small, do not be discouraged, God is over all." He's over things like cancer and callings, but He's also over dating situations. He's got it all under control, and He'll help it happen just the way it needs to, with plenty of growth and learning for those involved. I can trust and not be afraid. "God is over all." What a happy feeling! He cares about my "small" and seemingly silly challenges. He'll help them turn out beautifully.

"Count your many blessings. Angels will attend, help and comfort give you to your journey's end."

To Where the Sidewalk Ends

Weary of screens and online friends,

Take me instead to where the sidewalk ends. 

Tired of worrying about texts and tweets,

Just give me my bike and some shoes on my feet. 

Tired of wondering if my words are alright,

I'd rather marvel at the sun's golden light.

Instead of worrying about people to please

Let me look up in awe at the sky through the trees.

I want to be still, hear the sounds, feel the air

I want be open to all that is there

Waiting for me to stop and receive.

Peace and answers are waiting, if I will believe.

Sometimes there's a whisper, sometimes there's a chill,

Sometimes there's no words, but peace, on that hill.

Each time that I go, I feel an embrace.

I'm so very grateful for my sacred space.

There are so many times I just didn't see

The beauty that always was waiting for me.

I see it right now, and hope that I will

Remember this place, my space on this hill.

Originally composed for Facebook but decided not to leave it there

Taking a Facebook break for a while.

Struggling to feel like my time is worthwhile

As I scroll through my newsfeed and see what's been shared.

There's all of this sharing, but sometimes we spare

The parts that are real, when times don't look swell

It's still part of our lives, but we'd rather not tell.

And thats probably fine, maybe this isn't the place.

But then why am I spending so much time in my day

To read all that's filtered, all that's fixed and repaired

To prevent all offense - We do it because we are scared.

I know that that's often the truth, at least for me.

I put forth the image I want you to see.

I try to be real, but I sense that my mind

Is always looking for ways to garnish more "likes."

I don't think Facebook's evil, I don't think its a sin.

I'm grateful we're connected and can let each other in.

But I think I need a break, I need to train  my mind

To let go of what other's think. I hope that I will find

A deeper sense of who I am, what I like, and what I think

When I don't have to worry about what others see.

I like to talk, so give a call, or send a text. Please do!

My number begins with 801 and ends in a 2.

I'll also respond to messages. 

I just won't scroll through my feed.

I don't plan to post anymore for a while.

See ya in over a week!

(Why was this written in poetry? Sometimes I'm just in the mood.)

Honest Opinion #4-10

Pistachio is one of the very best flavors of ice cream.

Sunglasses should never cost more than about $30.

Painting wood is fun and sometimes therapeutic.

Music is awesome. Sharing a love of music with others is a fantastic feeling. =)

May and June are two of the most beautiful months in Utah County and Cache County. 

My life is awesome.

Gratitude is one of the most important elements to happiness.

Terrified

Liking someone is the most vulnerable thing I can ever remember going through. I feel like karma has come to get me. All the emotions that others went through when I was on the "in-control" side of the relationship are now attacking me, and its really quite surprising. Once again, I'm developing a lot more respect for you men out there! You put yourself through a lot of vulnerability whenever it comes to dating, and dang, it's hard! I feel like a crazy person.

I remind myself, the torture of uncertainty that I'm going through right now is better than the alternative. Because the alternative is to numb, pretend like its not a big deal, and detach emotionally. And I will never be able to find joy if I'm emotionally detached.

So here's to taking a chance, a risk, and seeing what in the world is going to happen. Even if its pain, I've gotta try.

To quote myself, "I must be willing to guess if I ever want to know."

Even though I'm terrified.

Bikes

It started out as stressful as all the other days have been this week. The days have been frustrating because of all the things I have to do that I can't do while I'm at work. But fortunately, I got to leave at 2:00 and go to the temple. I printed off the family names from a few days ago, and went to the Baptistry to do the work. I think I confused every temple worker in there. They're not used to having endowed single women do family names, I guess!

I stayed outside afterward and worked on things on my iPad (the iPad Air with an awesome keyboard/case I got at work today!) and finally started to feel like I was beginning to get some stuff done. I was able to get a letter of recommendation requested and returned to my by Gerry, all within a couple hours. It was nice to finally be make progress on some things.

We went home and had Sensuous Sandwiches while watching "A Goofy Movie." Which was great, as always. Then Charles and I went bikeriding for nearly an hour, as the sun was getting lower and setting. We had a fantastic time, and Charles kept saying "I love riding my bike. This is so fun!" I think he'll remember doing it, when he gets older, and it will mean a lot to him. I know it meant a lot to me when Dad took me bike riding in Provo canyon when I was young.

And the bikeriding felt so good to me! Its a good bike (for a WalMart bike) and I felt so free! I was even able to bike up several hills! It was such a lovely feeling to be riding it. I'm glad I got it, and I hope it serves me well for a long time in the future.

Tomorrow I get to go to Logan and see Sarah graduate! I also have other awesome friends to visit too, and I think it'll be a good day. I wish it could be longer, because I'll have to come home before too long and get everything ready for Sunday.

Anyway. It was a happy day, thanks to my family and my bike and the friends who are willing to help me and the benefits of my job and the peace and beauty of the temple. 

Forgot to mention, The Lord let me know that He would help me and things would work out in my callings if I would really turn to Him and allow Him to change me. I can be happy as I become better, if I remember it's only through Him. If I give Him the glory, I will find peace and joy and direction as I serve. Good to know. =) I'm grateful He spoke it to my heart.

Inadequate

I'm feeling inadequate. Doubting I can handle my responsibilities. I think I can do a mediocre job. But I want to do more. My responsibilities are pretty important things. That help people. Sigh. 

I went to an Institute Inservice meeting tonight, which overwhelmed me a little. But also gave me some comfort too. We read Doctrine and Covenants 123:16-17. 

16 You know, brethren, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves.

17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

 

I guess I just need to remember what someone said a few days ago. There may be more work than we can do, but the only healthy way to approach it is just to start. Get working on what there is to work on, and whether or not it gets done, the time was used well, and good things happened that wouldn't have happened otherwise. 

And I also need to remember my worth does not hang on my performance. God loves me no matter how well I teach Institute, lead Relief Society, play the piano and guitar, take care of my body, meet my job expectations, serve my family, and get at least one the few awesome guys I know to date me (the hardest one!). These are important things, but my worth and His love for me don't change based on my performance of these duties.  I'll try to look at all these things as learning opportunities, and chances to do good for others.

And I need to remember that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I don't FEEL that at present, but I do choose to believe it and hope it'll sink in deeper as time goes on. =)

I am grateful for my life and all it's facets. I need to remember that. Because it's a wonderful feeling when I do.