Things I Learned and Loved About 2014 and 2015

I haven't known exactly what to write about 2014 and 2015. They were kind of weird years for me. I spent these years in an on-again/off-again relationship that was not particularly easy. I suppose I could say it was a time of growth and increasing complexity, filled with little moments of beauty.

Complexity

  • I followed the prompting to move home in December 2013, even though I didn't particularly want to, and staying would have allowed me to continue to date one of my close friends at USU. I moved home only two weeks after this friend kissed me (which was a moment that was a couple years in the making). I moved home to a place with far fewer dating prospects, and wondered why. 
  • Moving home also left behind dear friends as well. I would've loved to stay in Logan with Sarah.
  • I applied for the internship I'd been planning on for months (ITA in Chicago). And was rejected.
  • Later, I welcomed one of my favorite people home from his mission. Someone whose letters literally caused me to jump for joy (I had a bruise to prove it - I jumped with a little too much joy!).  After a few wonderful dates and a week or two of close contact, he stopped asking me out. I think it was because I don't like Linkin Park.
  • I started dating the person I mentioned at the beginning. I had wanted him to ask me out for a while, but he waited until July - one month before I was planning to move to Chicago.
  • I moved to Chicago, and met many different people, and expanded my view of the country and of the variety of individuals, and cultures. While this was positive, it was a little complex!
  • Because of my anxiety, I believe, I received an answer to prayer to break up with the guy back home, but to remain his friend. As he greatly resisted the idea of being just friends, it was definitely a complex task!
  • My music therapy supervisor was very different from me, and approached sessions with a "We'll figure it out when we're there" attitude, which caused my planning-addicted brain to panic!
  • I passed my internship, but my supervisor kindly suggested that hospital music therapy might not be the best choice for me in the future.
  • I felt I should move home after my internship, despite loving Chicago.
  • I started dating the guy back home again, only to have him dump me, and start dating someone else soon after.
  • Then he came back.
  • And I dumped him.
  • And more complexity than I care to discuss followed after that.
  • After all this, and wondering why in the world I had been prompted to move home and date this person (twice) only to have it all end so sadly, I felt the gentle promptings of the Spirit, and the audible invitation from dear friends, to move to Indiana.


Growth

  • Facing all these dead-ends and weird turns in the road made me question myself, and my faith at times. 
  • But I learned to be grateful even in the midst of deep pain.
  • I learned that you can receive answers in a temple even when the power is out. =)
  • I kept trying and working hard in my internship, despite the anxiety, until it was over.
  • I kept trying and working hard in my relationship, despite the anxiety, until I could go no further.
  • I made friends with different religious and ethnic backgrounds, and loved them!
  • I endured heartbreak.
  • I realized how capable I am of loving life and the beauty around me. And how capable I am of finding it!
  • I experienced a place so different from my home. Nothing in small town Utah is really comparable to downtown Chicago.
  • I learned I can go places on my own. And live there happily.
  • I learned to trust and rely on and contribute to my church family in a happier and more meaningful way.
  • I learned that I am important to my family, and that my contribution is eternally and deeply important. And I found that my relationship my Dad could be, and was, greatly healed!
Moments of Beauty
  • I took a train to Chicago. *pause for emphasis* I took a train to Chicago. It was beautiful.
  • Standing at the edge of Utah Lake as a storm was coming on, and loving every second. 
  • Hugs - the kind when you haven't seen someone you care about in a really long time.
  • Singing "I'm Yours" with Soozie and Joyu, during my internship.
  • My southern Utah trip was amazingly full of beauty! Even if I was crying during half of the trip. =P
  • Becoming friends with a patient that I was initially afraid of.
  • Hearing the Wailin' Jenny's sing in Colorado. Heavenly.
  • Feeling very loved and believed in.
  • Having someone nearby while I laid sick in bed.
  • Being invited to live in the Wallace's home, and the daily kindness and warmth they showed.
  • Having a home teacher who gave me a pie. And invited me over for movie nights. True friendship. =)
  • Being invited by the best of friends to live with them in Indiana, when they followed the feeling that they should call me, not knowing I had just gone through a break up, and needed their friendship and hope the most.
  • Realizing how much my little brother loves me.
And many more that I can't recall at the moment, but are surely deserving of being written here.

I'm feeling much better about these two years, now that I've written things out. They weren't easy, but they were filled with beauty and growth, and I feel like a different person than I was, having experienced them.

I am excited to write about 2016 in a few months here, as so far it has turned out to be a much happier year than expected. =)

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