To the Uttermost

I am using the topical guide in the scriptures to study about Jesus Christ this year. It's been a really good experience. I've learned about Him being the Bread of Life, about Him becoming our father as we receive His gospel, and other things. I'm now reading about Him as our Advocate. This is the first scripture in that section, and I love it:

Hebrews 7:25 - Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them.

I know that God is a God of both justice and mercy. But I have recently been feeling in my heart the importance of focusing on His mercy, at least when it comes to emulating Him. I am imperfect, and prone to making mistakes and misjudging situations, so I know I have the potential to mess up mercy and justice in my own life and relationships. If I am going to mess up, I would rather be too merciful than too just.

This scripture touched my heart, and reminded me of some beautiful words from Elder Holland, given in general conference in April 2012:

"Which leads me to my third and last point. This parable--like all parables--is not really about laborers or wages any more than the others are about sheep and goats. This is a story about God’s goodness, His patience and forgiveness, and the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is a story about generosity and compassion. It is a story about grace. It underscores the thought I heard many years ago that surely the thing God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful, especially to those who don’t expect it and often feel they don’t deserve it.

I do not know who in this vast audience today may need to hear the message of forgiveness inherent in this parable, but however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.

Whether you are not yet of our faith or were with us once and have not remained, there is nothing in either case that you have done that cannot be undone. There is no problem which you cannot overcome. There is no dream that in the unfolding of time and eternity cannot yet be realized. Even if you feel you are the lost and last laborer of the eleventh hour, the Lord of the vineyard still stands beckoning. “Come boldly [to] the throne of grace,” and fall at the feet of the Holy One of Israel. Come and feast “without money and without price” at the table of the Lord."

Let's not give up hope on ourselves, or anyone else.

Let Your Heart Expand - Sylvia H. Allred - General Relief Society Meeting

Speaking to the sisters, the Prophet Joseph said, “Don’t be limited in your views with regard to your neighbor’s virtues. You must enlarge your souls toward others if you [would] do like Jesus. As you increase in innocence and virtue, as you increase in goodness, let your hearts expand—let them be enlarged towards others—you must be longsuffering and bear with the faults and errors of mankind. How precious are the souls of men!” 

The scriptural declaration “Charity never faileth” became the motto of Relief Society because it embraces these teachings and the charge that the Prophet Joseph Smith had given the Relief Society sisters to “relieve the poor” and to “save souls.” 

These foundational principles have been embraced by Relief Society sisters throughout the world, for such is the nature of the work of Relief Society.
—Sister Silvia H. Allred

I'm quoting the General Relief Society Meeting again. It was such a good meeting!

This quote got me thinking about something I've thought about several times this summer. An easy trap to fall into is judging others. The more practiced we become at keeping the commandments, the easier and more tempting it is to judge others when they aren't keeping the commandments. This is probably where Satan knows he's likely to trip us up.

Having grown up in Utah, it was easy to judge others. In my mind I thought, "Everyone knows what they're supposed to do, so if anyone isn't doing the right things they are blatantly sinning." And this led me to feel like I was worth more than they were somehow, because I was keeping the baseline commandments and trying to go the extra mile in some areas. Everything about that train of thought is wrong though.

On my mission things changed without me really thinking about it too hard. I noticed that I wasn't judging people nearly as much. The harder someone's life seemed to be, the happier I was to be talking to them, because I knew I had something that could help, if they were willing to listen and accept it. Drugs and alcohol? You must be going through a really hard time, or you were insecure when you were younger and tried it to fit in, and now you're somewhat stuck. Not going to church? You must work hard during the week, and love spending time with your family on the weekend. Tattoos? You enjoy expressing yourself, and have things you feel are worth saying. Sexual sins? Perhaps you feel lonely, and just want to feel loved. Even though I know that not everyone's motives are like the ones I listed, I would treat everyone like their intentions were innocent, unless or until I found out otherwise.

Another way to say it is that I looked at them as a person who has been hurt by life and choices and just needs help, help that I can give, by sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ and by being a friend. I grew accustomed to thinking this way, and then it would shock me when various ward members would talk about someone we had brought to church and say "Well, they have a smoking problem, so I don't think it's going to work out" or "Maybe they can actually wear clothes next time" or "Why can't you bring someone that fits in better with the rest of us?" I looked at these people, and I saw goodness. Suppressed or hidden or disguised goodness sometimes, but it was there, and really wasn't that hard to find. Mistakes and challenges were to be worked through, not something that were cause for being discounted or turned away.

In other words, I saw people for their divine worth, and for their potential - who they could become. No matter how much of a hooligan or a rebel they looked like, I knew that their potential was astounding. I could imagine all the amazing ways they could help others in the future, and the light they could be for good. Many of them didn't accept what we had to share - but some of them did, and I'm excited to find out all they will do in the future, and who they will become.

I returned to Utah, and started to fall back into my old ways. Then, earlier this summer the Spirit told me strongly that one of the main reasons the Lord asked me to go on a mission was for me to learn how to see people for who they are and who they can be, instead of "looking on the outward appearance." Or in other words, hooligans are not problems, they're people. (I know hooligans is an odd word, but it makes sense to me!)

I will never accept sin as okay. I will not give in and redefine the commandments of God. But I will strive to love and care for others, and with longsuffering, bear the faults and errors of mankind. That is my goal. I want my heart to expand, and I want others to know they are loved and that their potential is divine.

Moments That Matter Most

This video is still making me cry! I am so overwhelmed by the beauty of human relationships, and by God's immense love for us. He's given us this life, each other, and this beautiful amazing world. Every time I watch this video I cry more. God is love.

"Wherefore should not the heavens weep, seeing these shall suffer?"

My heart is changing. I am starting to mourn with those that mourn. And it's kind of painful. My heart breaks when I realize the things that people have gone through. All of us have been hurt, deeply, in one way or another. Actually, more than one way - several ways, for each person. I wish I could help everyone, but I know I don't have the strength. In fact, I think I make things worse when I try to help.

But anyhow...I ache. And I get so frustrated with Satan and his influence. I hate to think of the relationships that have been destroyed - children hurt by and hurting their parents, parents hurting each other, loving relationships being destroyed by lust, friendships being lost because of anger. I know people who have become widows in their twenties. I know people who have lost parents. I lost a brother. I know people who don't feel accepted by their parents. I know someone well who dated someone for nine months, almost proposed, and ended up alone unexpectedly. I know someone who lives knowing she has a 50% chance of having a terrible disease that will change her personality and cause her to die young, if she has it. We all live with fear of some sort. We all feel rejected in one way or another I think. I think what makes me saddest right now is that I know at least one person in particular (and probably many more) who has started to lose faith that things can change and become better.

I'm okay with my life right now because I know that things will get better. But how do I share that with someone else? I wish I could just transplant that understanding directly to them.

Even though I felt unaccepted by a certain parent for quite a long time, things have become amazingly better, and I now feel great love for that parent, and loved by that parent.
Even though I felt as though God had abandoned me (with terrible timing to boot) after an unexpected break-up, I came to realize that He hadn't, and He helped me out of the despair I had started to fall into.
Even though I thought I wouldn't recover from the feeling I had been completely betrayed by someone... I have recovered, and feel like my heart has been healed of that wound.

I just wish I could help everyone believe that their wounds will be healed. But I suppose, and it hurts to think it, that everyone will have to experience it for themselves, and it will take time. The first thing I listed took, well, about 24 years, the second took about 15 or 16 months, and the third took about 2.5 years. And I'm sure I'll have more, and who knows how much time they'll take.

Anyway... I just needed to express some feelings. I long for Christ to heal the hearts of all of us. I want these people that I care about to be healed, happy, and whole.

I'm feeling like Enoch tonight:

"And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto Enoch, and told Enoch all the doings of the children of men; wherefore Enoch knew, and looked upon ... their misery, and wept and stretched forth his arms, and his heart swelled wide as eternity; and his bowels yearned; and all eternity shook. ...He wept over his brethren...and cried unto the Lord saying: When shall the day of the Lord come? When shall the blood of the Righteous be shed, that all they that mourn may be sanctified and have eternal life?"

That Ye May Be Filled With This Love

I've been praying for charity each day...and I have received it! I have had more thoughts of kindness, I've spoken more kindly, and I've provided more small acts of service for those around me. Anyone who knew me well in high school or early college knows I wasn't the most selfless person around. I am not perfect, but I'm doing better than I was back then. All through the grace of Jesus Christ and God's willingness to answer prayers. =)

"Pray unto the Father with all energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ;...that we may be purified even as he is pure."
Moroni 7:48