In thinking back, I got quite overwhelmed on Wednesday morning. On Wednesday mornings we have the pediatric music group, and that group is quite overwhelming for me. The music has to just keep continuing, in order to hold their attention, and needs to be high-energy most of the time as well. It involves thinking fast on your feet... and that's something that doesn't always come naturally to me. I'm a ponderer. And it's not very easy to ponder fast! Anyway, my stress was so apparent that Soozie put her hand on my shoulder and looked at me, saying "Ali! It's going to be okay!" Moments like that could use more self-compassion. Both groups that day ended up going really well, so my worrying was for nothing anyway. Which is just a good reminder to me for the future. Things go well the majority of the time, as long as I am putting in effort.
There is something I want to add in though. This morning I had a really good prayer experience, where I really was focused on wanting to hear what my Father has to say to me, so I wrote down the words that came to me. And the words that come from Him and through my mind were full of compassion. I want to include in the practice of self-compassion the receiving of compassion from God.
I like my idea of listening to "My Heavenly Father Loves Me" each morning. I didn't do that this week. I was running late many of the mornings this week. I will plan to go to bed earlier this week, so that I don't wake up as grouchy, and I can enjoy the morning and fill it with hope and compassion. I will also take time at lunch and in the evening to write down at least one self-compassionate statement. I will put an alarm in my phone to remind me to do that. My goal is ultimately to be self-compassionate spontaneously and whenever the need arises. But for now, I will start with a scheduled and structured approach, to get it on my mind more. It will become more natural and spontaneous as time goes on. I also plan to take a little more time for listening during my scripture study, instead of just saying a fast prayer and reading.
All in all, I do just want to say that I have had a really good week. I did a lot of things well, and I will continue to learn new things next week, in my internship. I also made some good healthy emotional choices about how to spend my time on Friday, allowing myself to have fun. I made lots of small good emotional choices in how I think about some of my relationships as well. I feel like I'm becoming a happier person as time goes on, and I'm really grateful for that. I'm grateful to be where I am in life, working on making both the world outside me and the world inside me more beautiful.
I think for next week's post, I'd like to explore the second half of this guidepost: "Letting Go Of Perfectionism." Look forward to it. =)
