Tuesday, January 31, 2012


My subconscious is a lot smarter than I am, especially in the associative musical aspect.

Things happen (events, thoughts, or feelings). Then a seemingly unrelated song will sneak into my head unannounced and make itself at home before I realize it. And eventually I find out why. Looking back, it always makes sense, and sometimes teaches me something profound.

Today I woke up with "Breakable" by Ingrid Michaelson stuck in my head. I like the song, but had a hard time understanding the flow of ideas in the second verse. Is the car a good thing or a bad thing? Why does she talk about a car anyway? Is this rhetorical, and is it a love song?

I found a meaning for me. I don't claim it's the only one. The car is definitely a metaphor. It's a "two-ton death trap," but you don't normally think about that when you get in. It's normal to get in a car and ride or drive. We probably all personally know people who have died or been seriously injured in a car accident. But we get in anyway, day after day, assuming that it will work out.

It sounds ridiculous, foolish, and dangerous when you think of it that way.

But... what if I never did get in? Would I know my grandparents? Would I be here in school? Would I get to pursue very many of my dreams? Would I have seen the beautiful mountains of Idaho? Would I ever get to reunite with family or friends that are dear to me? Also, two of my most significant spiritual experiences happened in the car, to tell the truth. Basically, it's "taken me to places I'll never forget."

I was in a relationship last year that, although it took me to places I'll never forget, ended in a figurative crash. I walked away alive and with only minor injuries, but I don't know how badly he was injured. Perhaps enough for the figurative ICU. Which makes me somewhat terrified to get back in the car. Was it my fault we crashed? Is he going to be okay? Was there anyway I could've prevented it? Its hard not to look back and cast blame, and dwell on the violence of the crash.

Understandably, I don't really want to drive anywhere yet. And it's going to take something special before I plan on getting into anyone else's car. But I will. When I'm ready and the time is right. And I'm going to love it. And I'll be reminded that not every road trip ends in a crash, and sometimes it's completely worth the risk.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Turning to my fathers

I'm on many good journeys right now, and one of them is a result of Elder David A. Bednar's most recent conference talk, combined with the second Sunday School lesson of this year. As I was studying the Sunday School lesson, it asked  
Why did the people of Jerusalem reject the message of Lehi and other prophets? Why do some people today rebel against the Lord and His servants? How did Nephi respond to his father's message? What can we learn from Nephi about how to make our hearts more receptive to the teachings of the prophets?

I thought about it a lot, noting that sometimes it's laziness, sometimes fear, sometimes it goes against what we're used to hearing, and so forth. And as I thought about how I could be more obedient and receptive to the prophets, the thought that kept coming to me was that I needed to listen to Elder Bednar's talk. And that I needed to obey and act in faith.

And so I did! I signed up for a Family History class at the Institute, and it's going really well. Its become a lot easier to do family history work, thanks to New FamilySearch (no more PAF and a bunch of different databases!) and I'm actually finding work to do. It's a fantastic feeling. I will let you know how things continue to go. I can't wait until I know how to find new names in my family, so that I can go to the temple and serve them there.

I just want to testify of the importance of putting the things that the prophets say first. I'm so glad the Spirit spoke to me and helped me understand I needed to do this. I know God wants me working on it right now. And I hope I can help other people do it too, because as Elder Bednar said, "the youth of the rising generation have a key role to play in this great endeavor." I'm excited to be a part of it.

Friday, January 13, 2012

My Family

I wanted to show my progress in ASL, be it ever so slow. Bonus points to hearing people who know what I'm saying! The title is a clue. =)