Pizzazz

Life has kind of lost it's sparkliness. Probably just from being so busy. And having a lame collection of classes. And feeling like I'm not doing enough with my calling.

But circumstances shouldn't determine how I feel that much. I want more of the Spirit, so that I can find more joy in life. And know how to help others.

How am I going to get more of the Spirit in my life? More sincere prayer, more focused scripture study, and putting my calling ahead of just about everything else. I'm reluctant to do that, but I'm trying to have faith that if I give Him more of my time (and heart), He'll magnify the rest of my time, and help me find the joy I need, and teach me how to serve each of His children.

Please pray for me to be able to make those changes!

Welt-ed

We had a party with the boys of the house of the corner. We forged an alliance with them. Basically just played card games and a game involving a wooden spoon and a bucket. That game is where the welts came from, but mostly on Mallory and some of the guys. I got a scratch, but no welt.

That was by far the best part of the day. School is stressing me out physically. It's interesting to observe. Instead of getting emotionally worked up, I just eat. Or if I can't eat, I clench my fist and release it for a while. My muscles get all tight everywhere. It's fascinating. I prefer it, over getting emotional and crying.

I used to distract myself with Facebook when I was starting to get stressed or anxious. But I deleted my Facebook app on my phone, and I'm using an add-on to Chrome that will only let me be on Facebook for twenty minutes a day. So I have to ration my time rather severely. But I feel free! =)

I'm trying to think of coping strategies other than eating. Any ideas? Running is one of my strategies, but I only have time to do that a few times a week. Music doesn't always work as well on me as it used to, because I'm studying it. I can't just listen to music, it'll remind me of school. I analyze every song for its therapeutic properties. Which makes it less therapeutic to me, but more therapeutic for others I'll be able to use it with in the future. Another coping strategy is praying, but I feel like I should also couple that with something else. I feel like God wants me to ask Him for help with it, but then do what I can to take care of it, and He'll magnify my efforts. When I prayed about it I got the feeling He wants me to do both. Another thing I do is look for really awesome art on the internet (like on deviantart.com). And of course, socializing (particularly with men) is a big coping strategy for me. It helps me forget almost all my problems.

Please...let me know if you have ideas, or something that works for you!

Nothing to Say

I can't think of anything to blog/journal about! Today was a fairly standard day. But on the other hand, it wasn't standard, because nothing memorable happened!

Slightly memorable: 

Got to play the piano before Institute and got to play around with some pretty fun chords and transitions. 

Andrew invited our whole house to read scriptures with them. 

I didn't do the homework I intended to. 

One of my professors agreed to move one of our due dates because of General Conference - especially because he's taking days off because of a Jewish holiday. 

Marisa is a lot of fun. =) 

My life is crazy busy, and I'm not sure how long it'll take for me to catch up.

God is good.

I really like orange juice.

Going crazy!

I know most of my posts are positive. And I'm sure I'll be positive by the end of this post. But I just need to tell the world that my life is so crazy! Crazy busy, that is. The stress finally hit. Fortunately, my anxiety so far is just stress, not depressing or emotional. I'm grateful for that. I don't think I've cried from school stress at all this semester. Hope to keep that up.

The guys in the house on the corner helped me lighten up today. Had a jam session with Josh, read scriptures with all of them, and ran with Terryn. All such therapeutic activities. And it's so nice to have friends. And for me, to have male friends. It's so much easier for me to socialize with guys than with girls. Not sure why, but I've apparently been that way since birth, according to my mom.

Sometimes you just need someone to tell you everything's going to be okay. I think I need that. So I'll ask God to tell me that tonight. If He says it, I'll believe it. =) I could use some "peace of God, which passes all understanding."

P.S. I just have to say I'm so grateful for the RS 1st Counselor, Tanya. She rocks. I'm grateful the Lord called her to where she is. She's made my life immensely better than it would have been otherwise for the last couple weeks. She's a mortal angel. =)

Onward, ever onward...

This first day of school was so much better than last year's. I saw people I knew all over the place, and it felt like a big reunion. But I get to keep seeing them all year! It's a party. I feel all settled, established, surrounded by great people, and just feel a lot more like I belong. It's really nice. So, freshman and transfer students...just stick with it, make friends, and next year will rock for you. =)

Like a little seed...

Nothing too big happened today. A portion of my energy was used up keeping myself from hyperventilating because next Wednesday I have what feels like a million really big projects due, and some of them I haven't started. Let it be known that I never plan to take 18 credits in one semester again.

I have a place to live this summer, but no job yet. Trying not to get too stressed out about that. I'm really excited to have a private room though, once I move. It's gonna be awesome. It sounds so peaceful, does it not?

I talk a lot during my piano lessons. I hope I don't drive my professor crazy. But she asks how I'm doing, and means it! I can't pass up an opportunity like that! =)

My confidence is growing. It's grown a little bit in the last day or two. I can feel it. It's pretty exciting. Just like the blessing from bishop said it would be, this is a really exciting time of life for me! I am genuinely more excited about life than I've been in years. I'm coming to myself. And I know that it will help me be a more effective tool in God's hands, to bless His children. =)

Magical Library

It's amazing how much more work I get done when I'm in the library as opposed to my apartment. As much as I hate to do it, I'm deciding to do the majority of my studying there. I'll practice my piano and guitar for the last two hours of the day, but everything else will be in the library. AND I'm resolving to always do it on the 4th floor. That way I'm doing exercise and homework. I'm trying to be as resourceful with my time as I can.

Not too much else to say about today. Two of my classes royally annoyed me, and the other two I rather enjoyed. My tongue seems to be completely better. So it's a good day. But I hope tomorrow is a better one!

In honor of my new resolution ---

Change can be beautiful

I stayed pretty busy the whole day. I've felt on top of things (for example, I actually paid attention in all my classes), and its been a great feeling.

Jeff and I had a misunderstanding on our blog, and had to talk through it. It's just so funny. I've never been through such a gracefully settled conflict. We're great for each other, I think.

The snow was so beautiful this evening. Snowflakes the size of quarters, falling slowly in the black sky. I started acting like my friend Aaron did years ago, when he moved to Idaho and first saw the snow. I just stood there staring up, amazed. I'm grateful the snow reminded me that it can be beautiful, otherwise I might have been pretty discouraged that it was snowing already. =)