Breakable

My subconscious is a lot smarter than I am, especially in the associative musical aspect.

Things happen (events, thoughts, or feelings). Then a seemingly unrelated song will sneak into my head unannounced and make itself at home before I realize it. And eventually I find out why. Looking back, it always makes sense, and sometimes teaches me something profound.

Today I woke up with "Breakable" by Ingrid Michaelson stuck in my head. I like the song, but had a hard time understanding the flow of ideas in the second verse. Is the car a good thing or a bad thing? Why does she talk about a car anyway? Is this rhetorical, and is it a love song?

I found a meaning for me. I don't claim it's the only one. The car is definitely a metaphor. It's a "two-ton death trap," but you don't normally think about that when you get in. It's normal to get in a car and ride or drive. We probably all personally know people who have died or been seriously injured in a car accident. But we get in anyway, day after day, assuming that it will work out.

It sounds ridiculous, foolish, and dangerous when you think of it that way.

But... what if I never did get in? Would I know my grandparents? Would I be here in school? Would I get to pursue very many of my dreams? Would I have seen the beautiful mountains of Idaho? Would I ever get to reunite with family or friends that are dear to me? Also, two of my most significant spiritual experiences happened in the car, to tell the truth. Basically, it's "taken me to places I'll never forget."

I was in a relationship last year that, although it took me to places I'll never forget, ended in a figurative crash. I walked away alive and with only minor injuries, but I don't know how badly he was injured. Perhaps enough for the figurative ICU. Which makes me somewhat terrified to get back in the car. Was it my fault we crashed? Is he going to be okay? Was there anyway I could've prevented it? Its hard not to look back and cast blame, and dwell on the violence of the crash.

Understandably, I don't really want to drive anywhere yet. And it's going to take something special before I plan on getting into anyone else's car. But I will. When I'm ready and the time is right. And I'm going to love it. And I'll be reminded that not every road trip ends in a crash, and sometimes it's completely worth the risk.

Turning to my fathers

I'm on many good journeys right now, and one of them is a result of Elder David A. Bednar's most recent conference talk, combined with the second Sunday School lesson of this year. As I was studying the Sunday School lesson, it asked  

Why did the people of Jerusalem reject the message of Lehi and other prophets? Why do some people today rebel against the Lord and His servants? How did Nephi respond to his father's message? What can we learn from Nephi about how to make our hearts more receptive to the teachings of the prophets?

I thought about it a lot, noting that sometimes it's laziness, sometimes fear, sometimes it goes against what we're used to hearing, and so forth. And as I thought about how I could be more obedient and receptive to the prophets, the thought that kept coming to me was that I needed to listen to Elder Bednar's talk. And that I needed to obey and act in faith.

And so I did! I signed up for a Family History class at the Institute, and it's going really well. Its become a lot easier to do family history work, thanks to New FamilySearch (no more PAF and a bunch of different databases!) and I'm actually finding work to do. It's a fantastic feeling. I will let you know how things continue to go. I can't wait until I know how to find new names in my family, so that I can go to the temple and serve them there.

I just want to testify of the importance of putting the things that the prophets say first. I'm so glad the Spirit spoke to me and helped me understand I needed to do this. I know God wants me working on it right now. And I hope I can help other people do it too, because as Elder Bednar said, "the youth of the rising generation have a key role to play in this great endeavor." I'm excited to be a part of it.

My Family

I wanted to show my progress in ASL, be it ever so slow. Bonus points to hearing people who know what I'm saying! The title is a clue. =)

Keep Playing

I was reading a talk by James E. Faust, and he shared a story I've heard several times, but I like it more now. It's similar to some of the things we do in music therapy. But also, its just something important to remember in life, especially for me as a perfectionist. Rather than letting fear of an imperfect performance choke out everything, just play, just act, and trust the Master to change my pretty unimpressive (but continuous) performance into a masterpiece. The beauty comes from Him. But I have a part to play.

"...The answer to those questions may best be given by relating the story of a young piano student. His mother, wishing to encourage him, “bought tickets for a performance of the great Polish pianist, Paderewski. The night of the concert arrived and the mother and son found their seats near the front of the concert hall. While the mother visited with friends, the boy slipped quietly away. 

“Suddenly, it was time for the performance to begin and a single spotlight cut through the darkness of the concert hall to illuminate the grand piano on stage. Only then did the audience notice the little boy on the bench, innocently picking out ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.’ 

“His mother gasped, but before she could move, Paderewski appeared on stage and quickly moved to the keyboard. He whispered to the boy, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And then, leaning over, the master reached down with his left hand and began filling in the bass part. Soon his right arm reached around the other side, encircling the child, to add a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice held the crowd mesmerized. 

“In our lives, unpolished though we may be, it is the Master who surrounds us and whispers in our ear, time and time again, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And as we do, He augments and supplements until a work of amazing beauty is created. He is right there with all of us, telling us over and over, ‘Keep playing.’”

Whatever It Takes

This quote brings a lot of feelings back to me, and I really want to share it.

More than forty years ago I had a dream, which I am sure was from the Lord. In this dream I was in the presence of my Savior as he stood in mid-air. He spoke no word to me, but my love for him was such that I have not words to explain. I know that no mortal man can love the Lord as I experienced that love for the Savior unless God reveals it unto him. I would have remained in his presence, but there was a power drawing me away from him, and as a result of that dream I had this feeling, that no matter what might be required at my hands, what the gospel might entail unto me, I would do what I should be asked to do, even to the laying down of my life. 

And so when we read in the scriptures what the Savior said to his disciples:
In my Father's house are many mansions: . . . I go to prepare a place for you . . . that where I am, there ye may be also  (John 14:2-3).
I think that is where I want to be. If only I can be with my Savior and have that same sense of love that I had in that dream, it will be the goal of my existence, the desire of my life. 

George F. Richards, Conference Report, October 1946, pp. 137-141

One of my favorite songs while serving a mission was "Whatever It Takes." It's an EFY song that I think I'm going to try to arrange a version that doesn't sound 90's cheesy. I think all that needs to be taken away is the synthesizer. The song itself is beautiful.

I've had experiences like this one George F. Richards talked about, on a smaller scale, and I hope to have many more. The Savior's love amazes me, and it changes me when I feel it. I hope to be more in tune with Him so I notice it more often. I need to invite more light into my life. And if I can just feel His love, I should have the strength to keep going.

"I'll give up everything I've ever had.

Now that my heart's had a taste of what awaits,

I'll do whatever it takes."

General Conference Quotes: President Packer - Counsel to Youth

This quote just really stuck out to me, from President Packer's talk:

Dress modestly; talk reverently; listen to uplifting music. Avoid all immorality and personally degrading practices. Take hold of your life and order yourself to be valiant. Because we depend so much on you, you will be remarkably blessed. You are never far from the sight of your loving Heavenly Father.

Each sentence says so much, to me. If you read it fast, without thinking about it too hard, it doesn't mean much. Slow down, ponder, and let each word sink in and come alive. They're words I'm going to live by.

About Me - My Amateur Attempts at ASL

I'm Aliandria

I love music.

I'm LDS (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints)

I'm majoring in Music Therapy.

Who knows how much of this I actually did right... But it's a good try, right? I'm taking ASL next semseter, and just trying to get a little more practiced. =)

Chilled Lemonade

This morning was a really cool experience: I was happy! I read about doubt and faith, and was very comforted and reassured. Yesterday I allowed myself to get very stressed and discouraged about dating, but the scriptures and the Lord seemed to be telling me "Things will work out the way they're supposed to, just believe, be valiant, and be calm. And be happy."

And I was! The song that came to me after that was "Lemonade" by Chris Rice. I listened to it several times today, and it was officially today's theme song.

I now dedicate it to a friend, and currently one of my favorite people around. I'm really grateful for his example of happiness, genuine-ness, and kindness. =)

"I live life without pretending.
I'm a sucker for happy endings.
Thanks for the lemonade!"

And to top it all off, it was gently snowing this morning. =) Perfect.