My heart is changing. I am starting to mourn with those that mourn. And it's kind of painful. My heart breaks when I realize the things that people have gone through. All of us have been hurt, deeply, in one way or another. Actually, more than one way - several ways, for each person. I wish I could help everyone, but I know I don't have the strength. In fact, I think I make things worse when I try to help.
But anyhow...I ache. And I get so frustrated with Satan and his influence. I hate to think of the relationships that have been destroyed - children hurt by and hurting their parents, parents hurting each other, loving relationships being destroyed by lust, friendships being lost because of anger. I know people who have become widows in their twenties. I know people who have lost parents. I lost a brother. I know people who don't feel accepted by their parents. I know someone well who dated someone for nine months, almost proposed, and ended up alone unexpectedly. I know someone who lives knowing she has a 50% chance of having a terrible disease that will change her personality and cause her to die young, if she has it. We all live with fear of some sort. We all feel rejected in one way or another I think. I think what makes me saddest right now is that I know at least one person in particular (and probably many more) who has started to lose faith that things can change and become better.
I'm okay with my life right now because I know that things will get better. But how do I share that with someone else? I wish I could just transplant that understanding directly to them.
Even though I felt unaccepted by a certain parent for quite a long time, things have become amazingly better, and I now feel great love for that parent, and loved by that parent.
Even though I felt as though God had abandoned me (with terrible timing to boot) after an unexpected break-up, I came to realize that He hadn't, and He helped me out of the despair I had started to fall into.
Even though I thought I wouldn't recover from the feeling I had been completely betrayed by someone... I have recovered, and feel like my heart has been healed of that wound.
I just wish I could help everyone believe that their wounds will be healed. But I suppose, and it hurts to think it, that everyone will have to experience it for themselves, and it will take time. The first thing I listed took, well, about 24 years, the second took about 15 or 16 months, and the third took about 2.5 years. And I'm sure I'll have more, and who knows how much time they'll take.
Anyway... I just needed to express some feelings. I long for Christ to heal the hearts of all of us. I want these people that I care about to be healed, happy, and whole.
I'm feeling like Enoch tonight:
"And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto Enoch, and told Enoch all the doings of the children of men; wherefore Enoch knew, and looked upon ... their misery, and wept and stretched forth his arms, and his heart swelled wide as eternity; and his bowels yearned; and all eternity shook. ...He wept over his brethren...and cried unto the Lord saying: When shall the day of the Lord come? When shall the blood of the Righteous be shed, that all they that mourn may be sanctified and have eternal life?"