Bikes

It started out as stressful as all the other days have been this week. The days have been frustrating because of all the things I have to do that I can't do while I'm at work. But fortunately, I got to leave at 2:00 and go to the temple. I printed off the family names from a few days ago, and went to the Baptistry to do the work. I think I confused every temple worker in there. They're not used to having endowed single women do family names, I guess!

I stayed outside afterward and worked on things on my iPad (the iPad Air with an awesome keyboard/case I got at work today!) and finally started to feel like I was beginning to get some stuff done. I was able to get a letter of recommendation requested and returned to my by Gerry, all within a couple hours. It was nice to finally be make progress on some things.

We went home and had Sensuous Sandwiches while watching "A Goofy Movie." Which was great, as always. Then Charles and I went bikeriding for nearly an hour, as the sun was getting lower and setting. We had a fantastic time, and Charles kept saying "I love riding my bike. This is so fun!" I think he'll remember doing it, when he gets older, and it will mean a lot to him. I know it meant a lot to me when Dad took me bike riding in Provo canyon when I was young.

And the bikeriding felt so good to me! Its a good bike (for a WalMart bike) and I felt so free! I was even able to bike up several hills! It was such a lovely feeling to be riding it. I'm glad I got it, and I hope it serves me well for a long time in the future.

Tomorrow I get to go to Logan and see Sarah graduate! I also have other awesome friends to visit too, and I think it'll be a good day. I wish it could be longer, because I'll have to come home before too long and get everything ready for Sunday.

Anyway. It was a happy day, thanks to my family and my bike and the friends who are willing to help me and the benefits of my job and the peace and beauty of the temple. 

Forgot to mention, The Lord let me know that He would help me and things would work out in my callings if I would really turn to Him and allow Him to change me. I can be happy as I become better, if I remember it's only through Him. If I give Him the glory, I will find peace and joy and direction as I serve. Good to know. =) I'm grateful He spoke it to my heart.

Inadequate

I'm feeling inadequate. Doubting I can handle my responsibilities. I think I can do a mediocre job. But I want to do more. My responsibilities are pretty important things. That help people. Sigh. 

I went to an Institute Inservice meeting tonight, which overwhelmed me a little. But also gave me some comfort too. We read Doctrine and Covenants 123:16-17. 

16 You know, brethren, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves.

17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

 

I guess I just need to remember what someone said a few days ago. There may be more work than we can do, but the only healthy way to approach it is just to start. Get working on what there is to work on, and whether or not it gets done, the time was used well, and good things happened that wouldn't have happened otherwise. 

And I also need to remember my worth does not hang on my performance. God loves me no matter how well I teach Institute, lead Relief Society, play the piano and guitar, take care of my body, meet my job expectations, serve my family, and get at least one the few awesome guys I know to date me (the hardest one!). These are important things, but my worth and His love for me don't change based on my performance of these duties.  I'll try to look at all these things as learning opportunities, and chances to do good for others.

And I need to remember that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I don't FEEL that at present, but I do choose to believe it and hope it'll sink in deeper as time goes on. =)

I am grateful for my life and all it's facets. I need to remember that. Because it's a wonderful feeling when I do. 

Busy

This might be hyperbolic, but I may have more responsibilities than I've ever had before. But maybe it just feels that way because I had so few responsibilities in December, January, and February. 

A little over a week ago I was called as a Relief Society president for my singles ward in Payson. I think it's going to be more difficult than it was in Logan, because of the different demographics. But I have a better perspective than last time, because I have some experience, and a more healed spirit. One of my goals is to serve diligently without succumbing to the discouraging thoughts put there by the adversary. 

I'm helping put on a Family History Fair in my stake, which will take place in June. I will also keep teaching Institute in my stake, teaching Family History. 

I'm going to become a tutor in about a month, working in Salt Lake.

I'm applying for another internship in Chicago. It might be a better fit for me. I'm taking lessons still, to help me prepare. 

I'm gonna run a half-marathon with my mom this summer. And I'm going to lose 18 pounds. 

And I'm still working at my current job for a while, with a different position within the IT department. And I get to use a MacBook Pro and an iPad Air. With great responsibilities come great electronics. 

I definitely didn't know my life would be this way when I moved home!

Play

Yesterday I played a lot. Jumped on the trampoline and taught my brothers how to do a flip (it'll take them a lot of practice), ate FRENCH TOAST (emphasized because I love it and rarely get it), ran/sprinted along with my brothers as they rode bikes (I need my own bike), watched a few good short videos, and painted. And texted Sarah. And talked to my childhood friend Alice. Life is good. Life really does feel better when you mix in a good portion of fun along with the work. As I sat on the trampoline and watched my brothers flying all over the place, I just felt really content and peaceful. It wasn't flashy fun, but it was simple fun, and I was lighthearted and content. =)

Because of Him

Yesterday was awesome. It was a pretty full day. The awesome part is that I felt like I was the best version of myself I've been. I felt sincere and kind. I've been kind before, but not always sincerely. My authenticity and sincerity improvements make for a richer experience in life. =)

I can sense a more real conversion than I've had before, and I love it. There's a lot more love and happiness available in life than I thought there was. And it's because of Christ.

http://youtu.be/_S3TI4bYerU

The day really was awesome. The Spirit in our testimony meeting was actually really strong! I had a temple recommend interview, and felt deep peace and emotions. I got to go visiting teaching, as well as to a meeting where I also felt the Spirit as we planned for an awesome family history event. I got several opportunities to serve, and took them, even though I didn't have to. I'm glad I did. 

My friend Bronson asked his Facebook friends how Jesus Christ has made a difference in our lives. I responded that because of Him, I can be brave and act in courage, knowing that all my mistakes that I make as I'm trying to learn by experience can be forgiven, healed, and made into something beautiful. So there's no need to be afraid. Because of Him I can leave behind perfectionism and experience true growth, joy, and gratitude instead. He's my safety, and provides me with all the hope I need. 

I am so eternally grateful to know I have a Savior who loves me infinitely. Believing that changes everything. I know He lives and I know He loves me. And I know He is the Son of God. 

I'm Sorry Because...

We actually had a really good Family Home Evening tonight! After a few Mormon Messages videos, we had a lesson on apologizing. And it was really good! It came from something my dad read on Facebook. We talked about the four steps of apologizing, then practiced it, using real but not-too-serious examples. It went amazingly well. If we can keep it up, I think we'll definitely improve our relationships. Especially considering that forgiveness and humility are two of the mist important parts of a relationship. 

On another note, I want to buy that bike I tried a few weeks ago. I need a solid way to get out the stress I've been feeling a lot of lately. I feel like I have responsibilities and expectations pressing on me from every direction. I think I need to slow down... But purposefully. I just don't always know what can be cut out. I'll figure out something. Anyhow, I feel a 25 minute bike ride could do me a lot of good. Because it's truly fun. =)

Meet the Candidates

I went to my first Meet the Candidates meeting tonight, as a county delegate. Luckily for me and my fellow county members, most of the candidates seemed like really decent kind people. I've got a good county here. =)

Work was a little crazy. Busy. But it's amazing how much happier I am when working on a project than I am doing busy work. I haven't been taking lunch breaks, because I'm pretty engaged in what I'm doing.  Even if it's stressful, it's still engaging. I just eat while I work. 

I'm excited for my mission reunion and General Conference this weekend! I need it.

Institute

I'm still trying to shake the sadness and worry that I've had since yesterday. I was stressed about preparing my Institute lesson, but I got it prepared and went to my classroom... And no students came. It was discouraging. But on the bright side, I got to attend a different class and reflect on the doctrine of repentance (the topic being addressed by Dustin and Derek).

I'm hoping for a return of confidence soon. Maybe I'm also feeling a little deficient when it comes to my new job I started this week, my duties as a county delegate, not having an internship secured yet, and wondering if I can really do all The Lord asks of me. 

Sounds like I need more genuine faith. I will choose to embrace optimism, hope, and humility. Even though I don't feel like it right now...